Five Good Things about Conflict

Five Good Things about Conflict

Managers spend 40 to 90 percent of their time dealing with conflict. It makes sense to get the most out of such a time-consuming activity.

Leadership Freak readers indicate that conflict can serve a good purpose. Doc wisely observes, "Do we need to 'resolve' conflict? From conflicts and discomfort comes the clear need to change, make progress, and grow."  (You make conflict worse when you …) He and others made me think about the good side of conflict.

Five Good Things about Conflict

1. Conflict Causes Pain

Many observe that we do not change until the pain of clinging to the present seems worse than the pain of changing.

When conflict motivates self-reflection and change, it is a good thing.

2. Conflict Pushes Against Inertia

Individuals and organizations usually tend to stagnate.

Conflict is a wake-up call that the status quo is not working.

3. Conflict May End Negative Relationship-Cycles

Conflict motivates us to enhance our people skills. When I see a pattern of conflict in my own relationships or those around me, it is time to address counter-productive relationship patterns.

4. Working to Solve Conflict Encourages Creativity and Innovation.

Innovation is the potential for conflict.

5. Conflict Challenges Teams to Refresh Team Dynamics

Without conflict, teams may drift into mediocrity.

Two suggestions

1. Confidence in ourselves and others helps relieve some of the stress conflicts cause. Believe you can find a solution.

2. Focusing on organizational or personal mission and vision helps explain, direct, and give meaning to conflict.

What's good about conflict?

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Source: Dan Rockwell, https://leadershipfreak.blog/2020/12/05/whats-good-about-conflict/
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 License.

The Three Opportunities of Conflict

 

Nothing moves forward in a story except through conflict — Robert McKee

The Three Opportunities of Conflict

1. Interpersonal collisions. Opportunities with people.
2. Inner wrestling. Opportunities to grow.
3. Spiritual uncertainty. Opportunities to clarify values and purpose.

Three Ways Conflict Moves Your Story Forward

1. Opportunity to See Yourself

There is scientific evidence that some people just annoy you. Carl Jung said, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."

The toughest thing to see is yourself as an irritating person.

Ask yourself:

1. How am I like that person?
2. What do I not like about myself?
3. Who do I aspire to become?

2. Opportunity to Become Your Aspirational Self

The struggle within suggests you're afraid of something that matters to you.

Ask yourself:

1. How am I allowing others to control me?
2. What's the bravest thing I can do?

3. Opportunity to do What Matters

Life is simple when you do the right thing, but the path is foggy sometimes. There are multiple options, and several seem right.

Ask yourself:

1. Which of my values am I reluctant to own?
2. What am I afraid of losing?
3. What might be gained if I do what matters?
   
   

Progress:

Conflict is a wake-up call that the status quo is not working.

Struggle creates uncertainty.  

It is not natural, but uncertainty is the opportunity to open your heart and mind. You spiral inward and downward when uncertainty hardens your heart and congeals your thinking.

Progress requires confidence.

Things may not turn out as you hope. But confidence you will learn and grow is strength for the journey.

Strengthen resolve by seeking to advantage others and bringing your best self to every situation.

What opportunities do you see in conflict?

Conflict: Five Responses to Any Issue

Where people interact, conflict occurs.

"Researchers found that, on average, parents have 2,184 arguments with their kids yearly. Each day they spend about 49 minutes fighting." Yahoo

1. The average employee spends 2.1 hours a week dealing with disagreements.
   
   
2. 27 percent of employees have seen tensions escalate to personal attacks.
   
   
3. 54 percent of employees believe managers could handle disputes better. (Workplace conflict)
   
   

Too Little Conflict

Organizations that fight all the time are distracted and paralyzed.

Organizations that have no disagreements are avoiding issues.

When everyone gets along, someone is faking.

Fear of disagreements does not solve issues. It prolongs them.

People who skirt tough issues choose the easy path instead of the right path.

Five Responses to Any Issue

1. Open Your Mouth to Make Things Better

1. When you are unsure if words are helpful, stop talking.
2. Always seek the best interest of others.
3. Temper aggression with kindness.
4. Avoid defensiveness. People who need to be right need others to be wrong.
5. Apologize quickly.
6. Define issues and design solutions.
7. Show respect to yourself and others.

2. Choose Positive Outcomes

Do not start arguing until you define a win that suits all participants.

Know what you are fighting for.

Questions:

1. What do we want?
2. If this conversation goes well, what will be true?
3. If we resolve this tension, what will be different?

3. A Little Progress is Better Than None

Reject the need for perfect solutions.

Questions

1. What does better look like?
2. What's a small thing that will make a big difference?

4. Ask Questions Before Making Statements

Hot heads have closed hearts.

Curiosity heads for the door when emotions get hot.

Better to ask a stupid question than make a stupid statement.

5. Be Specific

Generalities do not solve specificities.

Ambiguous solutions cause more conflict.

Working harder is not a solution to missing a specific target.

Which of the above responses would most help you?

What would you add to the above list?