Conflict and Interpersonal Communication
Read this section to define interpersonal conflict, compare and contrast the five styles of interpersonal conflict management, explain how perception and culture influence interpersonal conflict, and list strategies for effectively managing conflict. For the time being, skip the "Culture and Conflict" section, which we will cover in Unit 6.
Collaborating
The
collaborating style involves a high degree of concern for self and
other and usually indicates investment in the conflict situation and the
relationship. Although the collaborating style takes the most work in
terms of communication competence, it ultimately leads to a win/win
situation in which neither party has to make concessions because a
mutually beneficial solution is discovered or created. The obvious
advantage is that both parties are satisfied, which could lead to
positive problem solving in the future and strengthen the overall
relationship. For example, Rosa and D'Shaun may agree that Casey's
allowance needs to be increased and may decide to give her twenty more
dollars a week in exchange for her babysitting her little brother one
night a week. In this case, they didn't make the conflict personal but
focused on the situation and came up with a solution that may end up
saving them money. The disadvantage is that this style is often time
consuming, and only one person may be willing to use this approach while
the other person is eager to compete to meet their goals or willing to
accommodate.
Here
are some tips for collaborating and achieving a win/win outcome:
- Do not view the conflict as a contest you are trying to win.
- Remain flexible and realize there are solutions yet to be discovered.
- Distinguish the people from the problem (don't make it personal).
- Determine what the underlying needs are that are driving the other person's demands (needs can still be met through different demands).
- Identify areas of common ground or shared interests that you can work from to develop solutions.
- Ask questions to allow them to clarify and to help you understand their perspective.
- Listen carefully and provide verbal and nonverbal feedback.
"Getting Competent"
Handling Roommate Conflicts
Whether
you have a roommate by choice, by necessity, or through the random
selection process of your school's housing office, it's important to be
able to get along with the person who shares your living space. While
having a roommate offers many benefits such as making a new friend,
having someone to experience a new situation like college life with, and
having someone to split the cost on your own with, there are also
challenges. Some common roommate conflicts involve neatness, noise,
having guests, sharing possessions, value conflicts, money conflicts,
and personality conflicts.
Read the following scenarios and answer the following questions for
each one:
- Which conflict management style, from the five discussed, would you use in this situation?
- What are the potential strengths of using this style?
- What are the potential weaknesses of using this style?
Scenario
1: Neatness. Your college dorm has bunk beds, and your roommate takes a
lot of time making his bed (the bottom bunk) each morning. He has told
you that he doesn't want anyone sitting on or sleeping in his bed when
he is not in the room. While he is away for the weekend, your friend
comes to visit and sits on the bottom bunk bed. You tell him what your
roommate said, and you try to fix the bed back before he returns to the
dorm. When he returns, he notices that his bed has been disturbed and he
confronts you about it.
Scenario
2: Noise and having guests. Your roommate has a job waiting tables and
gets home around midnight on Thursday nights. She often brings a couple
friends from work home with her. They watch television, listen to music,
or play video games and talk and laugh. You have an 8 a.m. class on
Friday mornings and are usually asleep when she returns. Last Friday,
you talked to her and asked her to keep it down in the future. Tonight,
their noise has woken you up and you can't get back to sleep.
Scenario
3: Sharing possessions. When you go out to eat, you often bring back
leftovers to have for lunch the next day during your short break between
classes. You didn't have time to eat breakfast, and you're really
excited about having your leftover pizza for lunch until you get home
and see your roommate sitting on the couch eating the last slice.
Scenario
4: Money conflicts. Your roommate got mono and missed two weeks of work
last month. Since he has a steady job and you have some savings, you
cover his portion of the rent and agree that he will pay your portion
next month. The next month comes around and he informs you that he only
has enough to pay his half.
Scenario
5: Value and personality conflicts. You like to go out to clubs and
parties and have friends over, but your roommate is much more of an
introvert. You've tried to get her to come out with you or join the
party at your place, but she'd rather study. One day she tells you that
she wants to break the lease so she can move out early to live with one
of her friends. You both signed the lease, so you have to agree or she
can't do it. If you break the lease, you automatically lose your portion
of the security deposit.