Strategies for Effective Communication

Handling Criticism

It is often difficult to receive criticism. When your behaviour is criticized, it is easy to take it very personally, especially if the person giving the criticism is angry, frustrated, or blaming. Constructive criticism can provide you with feedback that can help you improve your skills, so it is important to pay attention to the criticism you receive.

Sometimes lack of feedback can create difficult situations at work. If your supervisor is reluctant to provide direction, you may not know that you are doing something poorly. You think that everything is alright with your work. At the same time, your supervisor may be getting more and more upset about your performance. Finally, the supervisor blows up. You cannot understand why the supervisor is so angry. You feel justifiably upset that nothing has been said before.

If you are not getting constructive criticism about your work, it is helpful to ask your supervisor for specific feedback. You might say, "I'm not sure that I am completing the mise en place in the way you would like. What suggestions do you have for me to improve my work?" By asking for feedback, you are indicating to the supervisor that you want to do a good job and constantly improve your skills.

The following tips will help you make best use of the suggestions you receive for improving your work:

Relax and pay attention: Relax and listen carefully to what the other person is saying. Taking a few deep breaths may help you overcome your anxiety.
Paraphrase the criticism: Repeat what you have heard in slightly different words so that the other person knows that you have heard and understood what was said. For example, you might say, "You would like me to pay more attention to the levels of the vegetables on the steam tray, and refill them before they are empty".
Decide whether the criticism is fair: Decide whether the criticism is fair or unfair. If you feel the criticism is unfair, question the matter of unfairness rather than the criticism itself. For example, you might say, "I know it is important to keep the buffet line moving, but so many people want roast beef that I find it difficult to refill the vegetables when it is needed". In other words, treat the complaint like a problem to be solved by you and your supervisor, not as a personal attack.
Ask for clarification: If the criticism is vague or unclear, ask for an explanation or specific examples. For example, if a server tells you that the soup does not taste right, you could ask, "Can you explain what you mean by ‘does not taste right'? Is it too salty or too highly spiced?"
Ask for suggestions: If the criticism is fair, ask for specific suggestions or alternatives for improving your performance. For example, you might ask, "Can you suggest a better way for me to handle orders that are shorted?"
Admit your mistakes: Do not go into long, self-critical, or rationalizing excuses. Admit your mistakes. For example, you might say, "Yes, I did not notice that today. I will do my best to watch for it tomorrow".
State your opinion if you disagree: If you disagree with the criticism, respond with statements that begin with "I" rather than "you". I statements give an opinion, which may differ from the other person's. They are less likely to be perceived as blaming. For example, you might say, "I think that you misinterpreted what I said". If you say "You misinterpreted what I said again. You're always doing that," you are likely to get into a shouting match with the person that will leave hard feelings on both sides and not resolve the problem.
Respond calmly: When responding to someone who is speaking loudly, quickly, or angrily, keep your voice low and speak slowly. The other person is more likely to slow down and become more reasonable. If you respond angrily or loudly, the confrontation is likely to escalate. This does not mean that you have to act in a humble or submissive manner. You just need to stay calm and focused on the problem.
Share your feelings: If you find yourself getting angry or upset, take a few deep breaths before you respond. It can be helpful to share your feelings about the criticism. You could say, "It is not easy for me to take criticism," or "I am feeling annoyed that you are bringing up this issue again".