PRDV212: Interpersonal Communication

Because interpersonal communication is the primary means by which we get to know others as unique individuals, it is important to understand the role of self-disclosure. Self-disclosure is the process of revealing information about yourself to others that is not readily known by them – you have to disclose it. In face-to-face interactions, telling someone "I am a white woman" would not be self-disclosure because that person can perceive that about you without being told. However, revealing, "I am an avid surfer" or "My favorite kind of music is electronic trance" would be examples of self-disclosure because these are pieces of personal information others do not know unless you tell them. Given that our definition of interpersonal communication requires people to "build knowledge of one another" to get to know them as unique individuals, the necessity for self-disclosure should be obvious.

There are degrees of self-disclosure, ranging from relatively safe (revealing your hobbies or musical preferences), to more personal topics (illuminating fears, dreams for the future, or fantasies). Typically, as relationships deepen and trust is established, self-disclosure increases in both breadth and depth. We tend to disclose facts about ourselves first (e.g., "I am a Biology major"), then move towards opinions ("I feel the war is wrong"), and finally disclose feelings ("I'm sad that you said that"). An important aspect of self-disclosure is the rule of reciprocity, which states that self-disclosure between two people works best in a back-and-forth fashion. When you tell someone something personal, you probably expect them to do the same. When one person reveals more than another, there can be an imbalance in the relationship because the one who self-discloses more may feel vulnerable as a result of sharing more personal information.

The arena area contains information that is known to us and to others, such as our height, hair color, occupation, or major. In general, we are comfortable discussing or revealing these topics with most people. Information in the blind spot includes things that may be apparent to others, yet we are unaware of it in ourselves. The habit of playing with your hair when nervous may be a habit that others have observed, but you have not. The third area, the façade, contains information that is hidden from others but is known to you. Previous mistakes, embarrassing moments, or family history are typically held close and revealed only in the context of safe, long-term relationships. Finally, the unknown area contains information that neither others nor we know about until it happens, like how we might react to the loss of a loved one. Knowing about ourselves, especially our blind and unknown areas, enables us to have a healthy, well-rounded self-concept.

Relational Dialectics

One way we can better understand our personal relationships is by understanding relational dialectics. Baxter describes three relational dialectics constantly at play in interpersonal relationships. They are a continuum of needs for each participant in a relationship that must be negotiated by those involved.

• Autonomy-Connection: the need to have close connection with others while maintaining personal space and identity. We may miss our romantic partner when they are away but simultaneously enjoy alone time.
• Novelty-Predictability: the desire for both predictability and spontaneity in relationships. Routine offers comfort, but it should be balanced with novelty to avoid boredom.
• Openness-Closedness: the desire to be open with others while also preserving privacy. We disclose personal information primarily with those closest to us, but even they do not know everything about us.

How We Handle Relational Dialectics

Understanding these dialectical tensions is a step toward understanding our relationships. However, awareness alone is not enough. Baxter identifies four ways to manage these tensions effectively.

The first option is to neutralize the extremes of the dialectical tensions. Here, individuals compromise, creating a solution where neither person's needs (such as novelty or predictability) are fully satisfied. Both individuals give up a portion of their desire, which may leave each feeling partially unmet.

The second option is separation, where one person alternates between the extremes of autonomy and connection. A couple in a commuter relationship, for example, may live apart during the week (autonomy) and together on weekends (connection).

In segmentation, individuals divide their lives into spheres. Extended family members, for instance, may gather for holidays but reserve birthdays for friends.

The final option, reframing, involves creatively managing the dialectical tensions by viewing both ends as supportive rather than opposing. A couple may choose alone time as a means of personal growth, which ultimately strengthens their connection.

In general, no single method works universally for managing dialectical tensions, as each relationship is unique. However, addressing only one need while ignoring the other may indicate relational issues. By managing self-disclosure and dialectical tensions, we contribute to a positive communication climate in relationships.