Conflict and Interpersonal Communication
Read this section to define interpersonal conflict, compare and contrast the five styles of interpersonal conflict management, explain how perception and culture influence interpersonal conflict, and list strategies for effectively managing conflict. For the time being, skip the "Culture and Conflict" section, which we will cover in Unit 6.
Conflict Management Styles
Would
you describe yourself as someone who prefers to avoid conflict? Do you
like to get your way? Are you good at working with someone to reach a
solution that is mutually beneficial? Odds are that you have been in
situations where you could answer yes to each of these questions, which
underscores the important role context plays in conflict and conflict
management styles in particular. The way we view and deal with conflict
is learned and contextual. Is the way you handle conflicts similar to
the way your parents handle conflict? If you're of a certain age, you
are likely predisposed to answer this question with a certain "No!" It
wasn't until my late twenties and early thirties that I began to see how
similar I am to my parents, even though I, like many, spent years
trying to distinguish myself from them. Research does show that there is
intergenerational transmission of traits related to conflict
management. As children, we test out different conflict resolution
styles we observe in our families with our parents and siblings. Later,
as we enter adolescence and begin developing platonic and romantic
relationships outside the family, we begin testing what we've learned
from our parents in other settings. If a child has observed and used
negative conflict management styles with siblings or parents, he or she
is likely to exhibit those behaviors with non–family members.
There
has been much research done on different types of conflict management
styles, which are communication strategies that attempt to avoid,
address, or resolve a conflict. Keep in mind that we don't always
consciously choose a style. We may instead be caught up in emotion and
become reactionary. The strategies for more effectively managing
conflict that will be discussed later may allow you to slow down the
reaction process, become more aware of it, and intervene in the process
to improve your communication. A powerful tool to mitigate conflict is
information exchange. Asking for more information before you react to a
conflict-triggering event is a good way to add a buffer between the
trigger and your reaction. Another key element is whether or not a
communicator is oriented toward self-centered or other-centered goals.
For example, if your goal is to "win" or make the other person "lose,"
you show a high concern for self and a low concern for other. If your
goal is to facilitate a "win/win" resolution or outcome, you show a high
concern for self and other. In general, strategies that facilitate
information exchange and include concern for mutual goals will be more
successful at managing conflict.
The
five strategies for managing conflict we will discuss are competing,
avoiding, accommodating, compromising, and collaborating. Each of these
conflict styles accounts for the concern we place on self versus other
(see Figure 6.1 "Five Styles of Interpersonal Conflict Management").
Figure 6.1 Five Styles of Interpersonal Conflict Management
In
order to better understand the elements of the five styles of conflict
management, we will apply each to the follow scenario. Rosa and D'Shaun
have been partners for seventeen years. Rosa is growing frustrated
because D'Shaun continues to give money to their teenage daughter,
Casey, even though they decided to keep the teen on a fixed allowance to
try to teach her more responsibility. While conflicts regarding money
and child rearing are very common, we will see the numerous ways that
Rosa and D'Shaun could address this problem.