Conflict and Interpersonal Communication
Read this section to define interpersonal conflict, compare and contrast the five styles of interpersonal conflict management, explain how perception and culture influence interpersonal conflict, and list strategies for effectively managing conflict. For the time being, skip the "Culture and Conflict" section, which we will cover in Unit 6.
Competing
The
competing style indicates a high concern for self and a low concern for
other. When we compete, we are striving to "win" the conflict,
potentially at the expense or "loss" of the other person. One way we may
gauge our win is by being granted or taking concessions from the other
person. For example, if D'Shaun gives Casey extra money behind Rosa's
back, he is taking an indirect competitive route resulting in a "win"
for him because he got his way. The competing style also involves the
use of power, which can be noncoercive or coercive. Noncoercive strategies include
requesting and persuading. When requesting, we suggest the conflict
partner change a behavior. Requesting doesn't require a high level of
information exchange. When we persuade, however, we give our conflict
partner reasons to support our request or suggestion, meaning there is
more information exchange, which may make persuading more effective than
requesting. Rosa could try to persuade D'Shaun to stop giving Casey
extra allowance money by bringing up their fixed budget or reminding him
that they are saving for a summer vacation. Coercive strategies violate
standard guidelines for ethical communication and may include
aggressive communication directed at rousing your partner's emotions
through insults, profanity, and yelling, or through threats of
punishment if you do not get your way. If Rosa is the primary income
earner in the family, she could use that power to threaten to take
D'Shaun's ATM card away if he continues giving Casey money. In all these
scenarios, the "win" that could result is only short term and can lead
to conflict escalation. Interpersonal conflict is rarely isolated,
meaning there can be ripple effects that connect the current conflict to
previous and future conflicts. D'Shaun's behind-the-scenes money giving
or Rosa's confiscation of the ATM card could lead to built-up negative
emotions that could further test their relationship.
Competing
has been linked to aggression, although the two are not always paired.
If assertiveness does not work, there is a chance it could escalate to
hostility. There is a pattern of verbal escalation: requests, demands,
complaints, angry statements, threats, harassment, and verbal
abuse. Aggressive communication can become patterned, which can
create a volatile and hostile environment. The reality television show
The Bad Girls Club is a prime example of a chronically hostile and
aggressive environment. If you do a Google video search for clips from
the show, you will see yelling, screaming, verbal threats, and some
examples of physical violence. The producers of the show choose
houseguests who have histories of aggression, and when the "bad girls"
are placed in a house together, they fall into typical patterns, which
creates dramatic television moments. Obviously, living in this type of
volatile environment would create stressors in any relationship, so it's
important to monitor the use of competing as a conflict resolution
strategy to ensure that it does not lapse into aggression.
The
competing style of conflict management is not the same thing as having a
competitive personality. Competition in relationships isn't always
negative, and people who enjoy engaging in competition may not always do
so at the expense of another person's goals. In fact, research has
shown that some couples engage in competitive shared activities like
sports or games to maintain and enrich their relationship. And although we may think that competitiveness is
gendered, research has often shown that women are just as competitive as
men.