Comparing the Support in Two Similar Paragraphs

Read this section to look at two paragraphs with similar content but many differences in depth and quality of the supporting ideas and details. Write your responses to the questions, then compare them to the answer key.

Comparing the Support in Two Similar Paragraphs Activity

The next two paragraph essays are addressing the same topic, but one uses specific and vivid details while the other relies on general and vague ideas with very little specific detail. Read them and compare how they use the above suggestions regarding how to be more specific.


Paragraph A

I really love my job at the Coffee on Wayne Café for many reasons. First, the café is really close to home. It's a short walk that doesn't take very long which is nice. It's really great not having a long commute to work. Second of all, the work is pleasant. The biggest part of my job is making coffee drinks and I am really good at it. Some people come to the café just for the drinks I make! Also, the other stuff I have to do is easy and not stressful. The best part of the job is that I get to work with and meet a lot of really great people. I hang out with a couple of my coworkers outside of work on a regular basis now. We have found that we have multiple interests in common. When you are friends with your coworkers, shifts are a lot more fun and go by more quickly. In addition, the café has some really nice regular customers. There are several of our regulars who bring us little gifts or leave us huge tips. I feel incredibly fortunate to have such a wonderful job.


What are some questions you might have as a reader of the above paragraph?  Where does the author need to be more specific?


Paragraph B

I really love my job at Coffee on Wayne Café for many reasons. For one thing, the café is only a block from my apartment. This means that I can easily walk to work in four or maybe five minutes. This is great because I don't have to set aside commute time or worry about arriving late. I also put a lot less wear and tear on my car and don't have to spend any money on gas to get to work. Second of all, the work is pleasant. I am really good at making coffee drinks which is the biggest part of my job. I can pack a perfect espresso shot and can even swirl a design into the foam. I have been told my drinks are the best in town. One customer even told me, "I make a special trip every Friday on my way home just to get the hazelnut latte you make as a treat to myself at the end of the week". I also run the register and keep the pastries stocked and arranged nicely which is not stressful or difficult. The best part of the job is that I get to work with and meet a lot of really great people. For example, I have become really close with Elena and Jose, the two people who most often share my shifts. We have even started to spend time together outside of work such as seeing the new Star Wars movie last week! In addition, we have some really nice regular customers. Vahid works in a flower shop and brings us flowers every day. Also, Lauren spends hours using our wi-fi access for her online jewelry business and always leaves us a huge tip. I feel incredibly fortunate to have such a wonderful job.


How is this second paragraph better? You might identify how this second paragraph is utilizing those suggestions on how to be specific.


Source: Erin Severs
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