Activity: Wordiness

Read and do the associated practice for wordiness to learn about this type of diction error and get some practice fixing sentences with it.

Wordiness Definition and Revision Activity

Another major issue when it comes to diction is avoiding wordiness and padded language. Our job as writers is always to make the job of the reader easy by making our writing clear and concise. This does not mean avoiding complex ideas or descriptive language; rather, it means avoiding using more words than are necessary to get across a point. Make sure that all your words contribute meaning to your sentences and avoid those that simply fill up space – I like to call them "freeloaders". The words you write have a job to do – getting across a message. Words that aren't actively contributing to what you have to say are often not only a waste of space; they are often taking away from what you are trying to get across. Try to decipher the meaning of the following:

Rayna is of the opinion that at this point in time it is no longer acceptable to the American people that their government should lend its support to an agency specializing in activities that are, by their very nature, covert.  

This sentence is very difficult to follow because it is full of words that do not contribute to the meaning. Read the following revised version of the same sentence and note how much easier it is to understand. 

Rayna believes that Americans no longer want their government to support an agency specializing in covert activities.

Here are some examples of overly wordy phrases which can just as easily be said with one word:

Wordy 

Revised

at all times

always

at the present time

now/right now

at this point in time

now/right now

for the purpose of

for

in order to

to

until such time as

until

for the reason that

because 

due to the fact that

because

by virtue of the fact that

because

in the event that

if

by means of

by

in the final analysis

finally

concerning the matter of

about

is of the opinion that

thinks/feels

has the ability to

can

Rewrite the following sentences so they are less wordy and more direct. It's ok to change the wording if you need to, but make sure your rewrite contains the same information and meaning as the original.

  1. Due to the fact that my parents were no longer able to care for my grandfather, they decided in the final analysis to place him in a nursing home.
  2. Shoney's milkshake bar is not working at the present time by virtue of the fact that it needs a replacement gear.
  3. Rocco has the ability to do relatively well on assignments at the last minute, but in order to get the A's he seeks, he always tries to start early.
  4. Ashley is of the opinion that the Star Trek series is superior to the Star Wars series for the reason that Star Trek focuses on science and exploration while Star Wars focuses on religion and war.
  5. The committee decided that the primary issue concerning the matter of the river pollution was whether the clean up should be by means of community volunteers or if there was sufficient budget to pay city workers.

Source: Erin Severs
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