Conflict Styles in Negotiations

Conflict Management

Purpose

Conflict can have both positive and negative consequences. When conflict is not managed properly, it can be destructive and ruin relationships by creating some dissenting feelings. Unmanaged conflict can create feelings of opposition not only in the people directly experiencing the conflict, but also in people observing - or even hearing about - the conflict. However, when conflict is properly managed, it can be healthy. Learning to manage conflict is a necessary skill for all aspects of life.

There is not one single method for handling conflict. Each situation may call for a different method to manage it. Combining conflict management techniques, with good communication skills, facilitates effective conflict management.

In this tutorial, you will learn some reasons for conflict, why you should be concerned with managing disputes, and five conflict-handling modes. These skills will help you to manage and understand conflict in your everyday life, with friends and family, and with situations that may arise during school and/or work.
 

Goals and Objectives

Upon completion of this tutorial, you will be able to:

1. list the reasons for conflict as demonstrated by personal reflections on possible sources of conflicts.
2. demonstrate the importance of managing conflict by personally interpreting examples of conflict.
3. distinguish the five modes of handling conflict by correctly identifying the conflict handling mode uses in a series of three scenarios.

Source: Penn State University, https://pennstatelearning.psu.edu/istudy_tutorials/conflictmanagement/
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 License.

Student Conversation about Conflict Management

Student Dialog- "Recognizing and Managing Conflict"

Deena: Heather, I'm really glad that Sage invited you to that meeting a few weeks ago.

Brian: Oh yeah! I was just thinking about when Heather first showed up. You weren't too thrilled about her taking Lori's place.

Deena: Brian, I admit I did have some problems with Heather at first, but things are just fine now.

Brian: What was your problem with Heather?

Deena: I think what bothered me the most was that Lori left out of nowhere. I was really upset by that and I took it out on Heather. I couldn't help thinking to myself that Heather was intruding on our group. I mean, what right did she have to take Lori's place?

Brian: So your problem was with someone who wasn't even there?

Deena: Exactly. So I acted really sarcastic to everything Heather said and I think I sort of avoided her.

Brian: And how did you feel about that, Heather?

Heather: Well, to tell you the truth, I didn't really want to come back to the group after that first meeting, but Sage explained the situation to me.

Deena: I'm glad you came back.

Brian: Oh, isn't that sweet? Now we're all one big, happy family.

Deena: Seriously, Brian. It's really important that the conflict between Heather and me was resolved. Actually, this story brings up a good point. We're going to be dealing with conflict for the rest of our lives, and it's important that we learn how how to deal with it.

Student Dialog- "Reasons for Conflict"

Brian: I think I see what you are saying about the importance of learning to manage conflict.

Deena: Uh-huh. In a perfect world we'd never argue with anyone, but this is not a perfect world. We also have to recognize that everyone we meet is not going to be like us. Just look around any classroom. More than ever, there are students from different places with different beliefs and ways of looking at things.

Brian: So, with all these different people, we're more likely to get into some kinds of conflicts.

Deena: I don't think that you have to go global to find extreme diversity.

Brian: For sure.

Deena: This may come as no surprise to you, but being in a situation like this team could cause a conflict.

Brian: I guess the whole team thing can cause some problems.

Deena: Well, think about it. A family is a lot like a team, and what family doesn't have its share of conflicts?

Brian: True. It seems like the closer people work together, the easier it is for them to annoy each other.

Deena: I see conflict everyday when I go to my classes. In most of my courses, I'm the oldest one there. In one course, some of the students asked me why I was taking the course and others thought I was the TA. At first I didn't think too much about it, until I overheard one of them say it would be different having an older person taking the class. My first thought was to get really defensive. After all, I'm 32 and that is not old. Besides, the young girl who said that is always popping her gum, which is very distracting and really bugs me.

Brian: One thing is for sure; conflict is part of everyday life and it's not going to go away. I think we really need to be aware of it and sharpen our skills to manage it.

Deena: Yeah, just like in class. If we let conflict affect our group, then it could also affect others in the class. And the instructor may not even let students work together in future classes.

Brian: That could mean a lot more work for each individual, not to mention the learning experiences that would be lost.

Activity 1: Recognizing Conflict

Check your understanding by completing the short quiz below.

1. Which of the following statements about conflict is NOT true?
   1. We have conflict because we do not live in a perfect world.
   2. In today's world, we are working in teams more frequently so there is more opportunity for conflict.
   3. Conflict always has negative consequences.
   4. There is more conflict in places where groups of students from different countries and areas interact with each other.
      
      
2. The following are conflict situations. Which of the following conflict situations has a different cause than the others?
   1. Susan's parents criticized her hair and clothing.
   2. Joe thinks his grandfather is inflexible and rigid.
   3. Older people talk about what's wrong with today's youth.
   4. In the team meeting, Jose was joking around with Brian and it got on Brian's nerves.

Check Answer

1. The correct response: c
   Conflict is not good or bad. Whether we plan on it or not, conflict is bound to happen. When conflict is properly managed, it can be healthy.
   
   
2. The correct response: d
   D is conflict caused by "teaming" while the others are caused by "diversity". When people work closely together, conflict can occur more frequently.
   

Conflict-Handling Modes

The Thomas Kilmann conflict mode instrument, or TKI, is frequently used in conflict resolution training and identifies five distinct modes that people use to handle conflict (Thomas & Kilman). Understanding your conflict handling style may help you handle future conflicts more effectively.

• Avoiding - usually indicates the person who is avoiding is low on the assertiveness scale and is low on the cooperativeness scale. That means that the avoider doesn't take care of his/her needs and doesn't really help the other person either. The avoider would prefer to be somewhere else when conflict occurs.

• Accommodating - usually indicates the person who is accommodating is low on the assertiveness scale and is high on the cooperativeness scale. That means that the accommodater doesn't take care of his/her needs but sacrifices personal needs to cooperate and satisfy the other person.

• Competing - usually indicates the person who is competing is high on the assertiveness scale and is low on the cooperativeness scale. That means that the competitor takes care of his/her needs first. The competitor cares very little for the needs of others, does not try to cooperate, and wants to win.

• Compromising - usually indicates the person who is compromising is at the mid-point on the assertiveness scale and the mid-point on the cooperativeness scale. That means that the compromiser tries to find middle-ground by taking care of his/her needs as well as the needs of others. The compromiser does try to cooperate but not at his/her personal expense.

• Collaborating - usually indicates the person who is collaborating is high on the assertiveness scale and high on the cooperativeness scale. The collaborator takes care of his/her needs as well as the needs of others without compromising, or giving something up. The collaborator tries to understand where the other person is coming from so that a win-win situation is achieved, where neither party loses anything. Collaboration is the best way to manage conflict but it is also the most time-consuming.

Activity 2: Identifying Conflict-Handling Modes

1. Two people are arguing. One person stands up and quietly says: "I'm going to the restroom". Upon returning from the restroom, this person changes the topic of the conversation. The person who went to the restroom is in which conflict-handling mode?
   1. Collaborating
   2. Compromising
   3. Accommodating
   4. Avoiding
   5. Competng
      
      
2. Two friends are trying to decide where to go for dinner. Tasha wants to go out for pizza. Mary wants Chinese food. After some discussion, they agree to get burgers and fries. They used which conflict-handling mode?
   1. Collaborating
   2. Compromising
   3. Accommodating
   4. Avoiding
      
   5. Competing
      
      
3. Suppose you need to use your parent's car but the last time you borrowed it you returned it with hardly any gas. You ask your father anyway, and predictably, he blows up, says you are irresponsible, and don't deserve to use the car. You ask what you can do to earn back his trust. He looks at you, and says, "Clean the garage, wash the car, take out the garbage, mow the lawn, and when you've finished all that, then maybe we'll talk". Your father is in what conflict-handling mode?
   1. Collaborating
   2. Compromising
   3. Accommodating
   4. Avoiding
   5. Competing

Check Answer

1. The correct response: d
   Avoiding is the correct choice. The person who left didn't try to discuss the issue at all. This person is exhibiting the avoiding mode of managing conflict.
   
   
2. The correct response: b
   Compromising is the correct choice. Each person agreed to give up their first choice and accept a neutral choice.
   
   
3. The correct response: e
   Competing is the correct choice. Apparently Dad isn't in a very receptive mood.

Conflict Resolution Tips

Listen to Yourself

• Pause.
  
• Breath deeply. Wait 10 seconds before responding.
  
• Imagine how your would react if you have no personal interest in the conflict.
  
• Be aware of your body language and non-verbal communication.
  
• Be assertive. Ask for what you need but be open and flexible to negotiation. Look for common interest and positions.

Listen to Others

• Be civil and polite at all times.
  
• Try to understand the other person(s) point of view.
  
• Rephrase/restate what you hear to ensure you understand.

Putting It All Together

Possible Reasons for Conflict

 We are becoming a global society. However, even while we benefit from increasing diversity, our differences create more opportunities for conflict:

• Have you ever heard an older person talk about "what's wrong with the youth of today?"
• Have you heard older folks talk about the lack of a "work ethic" in young people?
• Have your parents ever criticized your hair or clothing?
• How about young people criticizing their elders?
• Ever thought someone older than you was inflexible or rigid?
• Ever thought someone older was out of touch with today?

In today's world, we're working in teams more frequently. There are teams in the classrooms and teams in the workplace. Collaboration is happening everywhere. Unfortunately, when people work closely together, conflict can frequently occur.

When people work closely together, they also get to know each other better. Sometimes when you know people on a deeper level, some of the things they do get on your nerves, and the next thing you experience is conflict.

Student Dialog - "Handling Different Conflict Situations"

Deena: I think we should take the time now and review what we have learned about conflict management. So, what can we do to manage conflict? What are the five conflict-handling modes?

Brian: You mean like "Avoiding" and "Accommodating?"

Deena: Listening to you makes me think of "Competing". Remember when Heather first joined the group? I sort of felt like she was competing for Lori's place in our group.

Brian: And "Compromising". Sometimes I think we give in to each other too easily. Sort of like an easy way out. But I also like to think we are "Collaborating". You know, being highly assertive and highly cooperative.

Deena: Yeah. But is it the best way to manage the conflict that occurs?

Brian: While we don't agree on everything, we are learning to get along better.

Deena: We have our different viewpoints, but are expressing them better. The more we practice conflict management, the better we get at it.

Brian: Applying good listening skills with conflict management skills really puts us on a successful path with our research assignment. Good communication and managing conflicts should help us get to where we need to go sooner.

Deena: I agree, but we have just looked at one method of managing conflict. I think the main point is to recognize when conflict occurs and do something before it becomes a problem.

Every Situation is Different

As you know, there is no one right way to handle conflict every time. Each situation may call for a different way to manage disputes. The more you practice managing friction in a group, the better you'll become. When you combine conflict-handling techniques with some of the communication skills you've already learned, like body language techniques, listening skills, not interrupting, acknowledging feelings, and providing good feedback, you'll be on the way to effective conflict management.

Summary

Remember:

Collaborating is an attempt for both people to work things out. The assertive, yet cooperative, collaborator takes care of his/her needs as well as the needs of others without compromising, or giving something up. The collaborator says, "Let's both keep discussing this until we can reach consensus, then we'll both 'win'," and tries to understand where the other person is coming from in order to arrive at a win-win situation. Because neither party loses anything, collaboration is the best way to manage conflict but it is also the most time-consuming method.

Compromising means each person gives or loses something in an attempt to create a win-win situation by trying to take care of his/her needs as well as the needs of others. The compromiser attempts to cooperate, but not at his/her personal expense. The compromiser says, "let's see if we can work this out".

Accommodating means someone gives in to the conflict, and sacrifices personal needs to satisfy others. This conflict-handling mode usually indicates a person who is relatively unassertive but very cooperative - a person who hopes for "peace at all costs".

Competing involves an assertive, and often uncooperative, person who will push to get what he or she wants. The competitor takes care of his/her needs first, caring little for the needs of others and says, "me first at all costs".

Avoiding means that at least one person opts out of the situation leaving their needs unmet, or their thoughts unshared. This conflict-handling mode usually indicates the person who is avoiding is less inclined to be assertive and/or cooperative.

Key Points

Importance of Learning to Manage Conflict

Conflict is not singularly a good or bad thing. When conflict is not managed properly, it can be destructive and ruin relationships by creating negative feelings. This is true not only in the people directly experiencing the conflict, but also in the people observing the conflict or even hearing about the conflict. However, when conflict is properly managed, it can be healthy. Learning to manage conflict is a necessary skill for all aspects of life.

Possible Reasons for Conflict

We are becoming a global society. However, even while we benefit from increasing diversity, our differences create more opportunities for conflict:

• Have you ever heard an older person talk about "what's wrong with the youth of today?"
• Have you heard older folks talk about the lack of a "work ethic" in young people?
• Have your parents ever criticized your hair or clothing?
• How about young people criticizing their elders?
• Ever thought someone older than you was inflexible or rigid?
• Ever thought someone older was out of touch with today?

In today's world, we're working in teams more frequently. There are team dynamics in the classrooms and workplace. Collaboration is happening everywhere. Unfortunately, when people work closely together, conflict can occur more frequently.

When people work closely together, they also get to know each other better. Sometimes when you know people on a more personal basis, some of the things they do get on your nerves, and the next thing you experience is conflict.

Conflict-handling modes

• Avoiding - usually indicates the person who is avoiding is low on the assertiveness scale and low on the cooperativeness scale. That means that the avoider doesn't take care of his/her needs and doesn't really help the other person either. The avoider would prefer to be somewhere else when conflict occurs.

• Accommodating - usually indicates the person who is accommodating is low on the assertiveness scale and is high on the cooperativeness scale. That means that the accommodator doesn't take care of his/her needs but sacrifices personal needs to cooperate and satisfy the other person.

• Competing - usually indicates the person who is competing is high on the assertiveness scale and is low on the cooperativeness scale. That means that the competitor takes care of his/her needs first. The competitor cares very little for the needs of others. The competitor does not try to cooperate, therefore is low on the cooperativeness scale.

• Compromising - usually indicates the person who is compromising is at the mid-point on the assertiveness scale and is at the mid-point on the cooperativeness scale. That means that the compromiser tries to take care of his/her needs as well as the needs of others. The compromiser does try to cooperate, but not at his/her personal expense, therefore the location at the mid-point on the cooperativeness scale.

• Collaborating - usually indicates the person who is collaborating is high on the assertiveness scale and high on the cooperativeness scale. The collaborator takes care of his/her needs as well as the needs of others without compromising, or giving something up. The collaborator seeks to understand where the other person is coming from and seeks to arrive at a win-win situation, where neither party loses anything. Collaboration is the best way to manage conflict as well as being the most time-consuming.