Comparison of Paragraphs
1. Exercise Paragraph:
Main Point: Regular exercise leads to increased happiness.
Support:
States that people who exercise are happier.
Mentions improvement in physical and mental well-being.
References research showing exercise's effectiveness in treating depression.
Strengths:
It presents a clear argument supported by research.
The mention of both physical and mental health provides a broader perspective.
Weaknesses:
Lacks specific examples or detailed explanations of how exercise improves well-being.
Could benefit from statistics or anecdotes to enhance the argument.
2. Relationships Paragraph:
Main Point: Close relationships contribute to happiness.
Support:
Compares close relationships with superficial ones.
Highlights the importance of quality over quantity in relationships.
Lists key components of close relationships (sharing feelings, respect, trust, etc.).
Strengths:
Well-developed with specific criteria for what constitutes a close relationship.
Provides a clear argument that emphasizes the quality of relationships, which is crucial for understanding the concept of happiness.
Weaknesses:
Could use more empirical support, such as studies or statistics, to bolster claims.
Might benefit from examples or scenarios that illustrate the points made about close relationships.
Overall Assessment
Better Developed Paragraph: The second paragraph about relationships is better developed. It offers a more in-depth exploration of its main idea by explaining what constitutes a close relationship and emphasizing quality over quantity.
Improvements
Exercise Paragraph:
Add specific examples of exercises and their benefits (e.g., types of exercises that improve mood).
Include statistics or studies to provide stronger evidence.
Relationships Paragraph:
Incorporate research or studies that quantify the impact of close relationships on happiness.
Provide anecdotes or examples to illustrate how deep relationships can lead to increased happiness.
Both paragraphs need more specific support and evidence for a stronger academic essay, but the second paragraph is currently more developed in terms of depth and clarity.