Active listening

You can listen about four times as fast as you can speak. It is easy to listen to your own thoughts at the same time as listening to somebody else speak. It is also easy to listen to only your own thoughts while somebody else is speaking. To be an active listener, you must deliberately resist this tendency to let your mind wander. Not only will you remember more of what the speaker is saying, but the speaker will feel that you are listening.

Others will know you are listening through your non-verbal communication, such as your eye contact and posture. You have probably experienced a situation when someone asks, "How are you?" and you reply, "Not too well," and then you hear "That's good". You know you were heard because the response came at the right time. But you also know that you were not listened to. The difference between hearing and listening boils down to choice. You have no choice but to hear, but you do have a choice to listen.

You must be totally involved in listening. You cannot be doing other tasks at the same time. You must block out or overcome all distractions, including those that you generate in your own mind. Active listeners show a sincere attitude. They show attention by not speaking, by facing their body toward you, by leaning forward and by making eye contact at least part of the time. Active listeners have an open posture; their arms and legs are not crossed, and their hands are open. They wait until you have finished. Active listeners let you explain your problem fully and do not rush in with solutions.

When it is time for them to speak, they speak more slowly and softer than usual to show that they are considering what you said. Active listeners will ask for more details on something that you said, which shows that they were paying attention. Active listeners will show understanding by expressing what you have said in different words.

Practise being an active listener by focusing on what the speaker is saying.

Show that you are listening by facing the person and looking at her or his eyes at least part of the time. Tell yourself that you are interested in what others are saying and try to understand their point of view. Do not interfere with your listening by forming your opinions while they are still speaking.

Let the speakers finish their own sentences; do not help slow speakers by finishing their sentences for them. When a speaker has finished speaking or asks if you have understood, repeat what you heard in another way. You can say for example, "In other words, you are saying that…"